Sincerities and Regrets

At least I got this blog post in before it was no longer under Monday’s rules.

As for apologies, I think I deserve one. After all of this time of moping may I at least have some form of reconciliation? To be honest sometimes I feel that the truth breaks through this desire to have an apology. How could such a strong word dictate what I can or cannot do? I must accept that some people do not change and their carved words will only ingrain themselves to the point of anguish.

You know of those classic anime battles that occur within? The ones where the villains have this pain that they cannot let go of and it leads to their demise? *Grunts* Nagato. However, as humans with thought processes we can see past these with enough strength and support. After a while of groaning I can start to see no point in trying to relinquish this apology from someone else. I can only grow individually and if I am trying to change someone else’s life then I am only going to expect hardships.

After all of these years of hearing to people telling me this I have finally listened to it and interpreted it. Never did I think that some of the people who have crossed my path would be the ones to inspire a post of mine, a thought, an ideal. I thank anyone who is reading this who ever gave me any advice and forgive me if I was too close-minded at the time to listen to you.

Thank you everyone, and I apologize for the delay, I had so much time to write this today but I cannot believe I forgot. Stay crystallized.

Apology

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My apologies

I am recovering from my second wisdom teeth removal and I cannot take pictures for this week’s edition of Fashion Fridays. I hope everyone is having a great day, I will also be showing my new glasses tomorrow in a real post dedicated to the word of the day.

Until then, stay crystallized!

Sketchbook 8: Sadness in Nature

So for this week’s sketchbook reveal I have a few little drawings.

On the left I drew a female whose face is ripping in half to reveal flowers. In the photo this emulates the woman’s insides were black and so was her hair. I decided to add no color because I love how lines look with no color. I tend to stay away from filling in shapes, unless it is truly required. I also love to use flowers and leaves, which you may see later on. I have used these pink flowers for over a year in my art because they are so common in Miami and they always fall off the plants easily so I can go to street-picking. Street-picking is something I do to accomplish four tasks: relieve myself of sadness, find fallen flowers and give them a home, go hunting for Pokèmon, and do some cardio. I find that this woman represents how I feel on the inside. Plants do not judge you and they are so peaceful yet complex in how they live their lives. I wish to have a family of plants in the near future, only then would I feel truly in a sanctuary.

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Sticking to the theme of faces, I decided to draw another face I saw on weheartit. It was a dark-skinned woman with colorful makeup and glasses but I left it neutral again. I really enjoyed the shape of her hair and decided to keep it that away, even though I go for messy do’s when I decide to freelance and draw a human. Again, the use of tears never escapes me. I guess not talking about my feelings to a lot of people results in having my art take taht emotion. Underneath, without tears, is the eye of Kirito from Sword Art Online, one of my favorite anime. I love his strength and honestly the fights in that show were amazing. Additionally, I have never seen Spirited Away but that character is just way too cute so I also drew it.

I am sorry about the late post again but I have not felt good today. I hope you all stay crystallized and sane.

Lost but not yet Found

Okay as much as I appreciate how much WordPress likes for us to talk about our havens, but girl. At this point we are just talking about it every Monday for some reason.

Actually, let me discuss another one of my sanctuaries. When I am at the gym I feel so proud of myself for making an effort to be healthy as well as adding to my goal. In a year maybe I will be at the body type I am aiming for. I want to be able to mix in femininity and masculinity into visual body art via fashion and painting. There is this model (and porn star, oops) named François Sagat that uses this very well. His instagram and different works have him as a muscular individual playing with the idea of heels, makeup, body art, and installations. I love the idea of being fluid with your gender and am very excited to start playing around with that when I get back to college come August. For me being in a safe environment is your home and for me that is being either surrounded by art or becoming art. Plus, who does not want muscles? I want to play with the idea of genders to the point where that is what I am most known for. For me, that is the purest form of art: not caring for the binary classification of actions in this world.

Obviously having someone that supports your journey between the gender line is even better. Most people in this day and age do not have the openmindedness to be with someone, even if just around them in public, that does not conform. How cheesy would it be to compare this to being a Divergent in the Divergent movie? I don’t know, just let me know again about your sanctuaries. Let’s see how this molds to fit culture and personalities.

Thank you, have a great day and stay crystallized.

Sanctuary

Fashion Fridays: Talk about Spandex

So today I decided to compile an outfit that was more muted and had a tight-fitting shirt and shorts.

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This shirt is from Sport’s Authority. Talk about a memory. My mother bought it because it is meant to trap heat for the Gainesville winters in college. I ran with it and it made me sweat more than I would have when I wear only a short-sleeved even if it was cold. Fashion-wise it is so chic and fitted. It is hard for me to find shirts I like because of the proportions of my upper body so this one is really amazing on my body. Long-sleeves with tight collars look so good and a crop top would make it so much more complementary with the choker.

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This choker is the same one with the same clear crystal. Again, looks amazing around a tight collar. Go out and buy a velvet choker with crystals, it will change your outlook on life.

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For shoes I had some black Sperry’s because they are old and have a tattered look to them despite being such a “regal shoe” in today’s society. I also wanted to make sure the shoe I chose elongated my legs because these shorts are somewhat long and can create the appearance of short legs. Again, this is what ankle straps in women’s heels do, especially with dresses that are a bit past the knee.

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As you can see, the outfit is relatively tight, obviously nothing like Spandex or a body suit. This choker is not the most attractive thing from the back but females usually have longer hair to cover the back so just embrace who you are, dude. I would also wear a nice, shiny ring.

I would like to apologize for how late I am posting these things, by the way. I have not been feeling great lately. That’s the life of an apathetic teenager. I encourage anyone to reach out to me with your issues because I love to talk to people and help them figure out their problems.

I hope you all enjoyed returning to Fashion Fridays, see you guys on Monday! Stay crystallized.

Sketchbook 7: Misc. Watercolor

This week’s post is a little bit late and I am sorry but I have been pretty busy today with birthday parties. However, now I show the least favorite pages. I was outside one day in my backyard and decided to try and draw the plants I used in one of my Fashion Fridays where I had plants in front of my face. It turned out horrible because I am not the best at still lives. However, I did get new watercolors for the right page.

On the left page the reference is “walking children in nature,” which is from Rupaul’s Drag Race, specifically by Tammie Brown. She is so funny and hysterical and this nature reference is tied to committing suicide to represent the depressed and suicidal plant lovers like I used to be. The blood splatter is also emminent so there’s that (it is actually red watercolor, not blood). I have clarify whether I am using watercolor or blood, which is something I never thought I would have to specify.

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For the second page I was experimenting with different figures with this new watercolor set. Hello Kitty, a flower, dripping in jewels from a dotted ribbon, an eye with a glittering brow, a human crying tears of blood and tears of sadness, and a collarbone. This choker is so beautiful and I actually want to make it one day so I can feature it in an outfit. I always feel this sense of commanding when I am with someone, almost like I am eager to pay attention to them and for them to give me attention that I forget about my surroundings. The whole experience turns into a euphoria that I seek bliss in turmoil beyond grasping.

I hope you enjoyed this week’s sketchbook openings, I will try to post earlier in the day but regardless of the time of day you should always stay crystallized.

Heart of Glass

I am not sure if Mondays are meant to convey meanings of sadness but for some reason all of the words that come up are always super negative but nonetheless here we are again.

The thing with being frail is that everyone believes that it is only detrimental. I have been so emotionally sensitive for about a third of my life but I have grown so much from learning from the effects of being frail. Of course we all have to face an event that makes us question how strong we are as humans but I find peace in going back to my roots (not because I bleached my hair for a while). Finding a home in art and friends helped me create a foundation I can always go back to. Honestly I have begun to lose myself in the ongoing parasite that is promiscuity, but having people that see my intelligence has made me want to cling on to whatever life I have left. For as long as there is information to be absorbed, I feel my purpose will be to grab a hold to that and hold it in my arms. Finding validity in myself using other people is not fair, but you know what I am tired of feeling shitty all the time. I am strong, I can outlast any mistakes I make with the sheer motivation to succeed.

After having been so negative all the time, I saw that my own experiences deserve a story time, I just need to find the right time to tell them. Whoever you are, you can shine bright in a room full of lifeless stars. Rekindling any of your past pleasures and making something new of them will definitely teach you a lesson or two, so if you are afraid of trying new things due to your fallibility, just go out and explore. Worry about your rapture later on, but live life doing what you want because from my experiences you will live more peacefully.

Have a great day everyone and don’t forget to stay crystallized.

Frail

Fotografía Fridays 1: North of Nature

Fotografía is Spanish for Photography, for your information.

So today I would usually have some outfit with a demi-cool choker or necklace made out of weird materials, but I was feeling the nature side of my interests and decided to go for a walk and take some photographs. No self-portraits today. And please excuse the low quality. From now on I am going to use my phone because this old and cheap camera is not for sunny days.

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My first encounter was with a purple-lilac colored flower that I adore. These are very common in this park and there is actually another better picture on my instagram that you can find underneath my picture. I love how they grow and their flowers are so beautiful. I tried capturing some and putting them in my sketchbook but they are so delicate that their essence can only be seen naturally.

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These red flowers give a really cool feel to this side of the park. The flaming scarlet these trees have on their leaves makes me very relaxed for some reason. The amount of shade they have is also to die for. I enjoy standing below them and simply breathing. Feeling the oxygen circulating your body, getting a taste of flavorless wind. I love all of it.

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Imagine being in a place where nothing matters, where the frolicking of children warms the hearts of many and gives us copious amounts of headaches and dopamin, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins. I love being here; neither words nor photographs can express the solitude I feel but this haven of mine grounds my turbulent emotions. The grass is always greener in Kansas. I’m from Miami, though.

I hope you all enjoyed a different sort of Friday and continue to enjoy it, for it is only beginning. Have a safe night and stay crystallized.

Sketchbook 6: Fate + Length of One’s Life

Hello everyone, today’s sketchbook unraveling has some of the blood of yours truly. I nosebleed relatively frequently so this one time it would just not stop. As a result I obviously whipped out the hot glue and placed it in an interesting way. I love the way it came out, especially after I applied a matte clear coat that I got at Michael’s. I love matte-ifying my life. On the lower right corner I used a dark red, almost a plum, watercolor to add some dimension although having applied water to the edges of the blood splatter already gave me a gradient of color that I embraced because pale colors are my favorites. I really wanted to make a dramatic statement that all lives matter; that regardless of your impurities, you too can live your life free of danger. I know that is impossible but we have to make leaps forward and luckily we are living in a generation that promotes speaking up and being actively free.

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For the second page, I found inspiration from an image on weheartit where this woman had jeans with flowers sticking out of them. I clearly thought of my own flowers and saw some from my backyard because hers were far more intricate and plentiful. I have lots more plants later on but I also had these ribbons that I borrowed from my grandmother. The message is clear and conceptual. I am thanking my parents with a subtext of nothing and a footnote denoting what I am thanking them for. There are obviously good things I can thank them for but I also have to thank them for the death of my happiness. These flowers represent the life I am clinging onto, yet they wither, as does my hope for achieving the acceptance I once had.

I would like to leave it at that because I can speak of my feelings for pages and pages, but I guess this ends today’s view into my thoughts. I hope to have some creative piece on for Fashion Fridays but you are just going to have to check in on Friday to find out.

Have a great day and stay crystallized.